Take a Stand For Coolness

There are two kinds of people in this crazy world of ours: issuers of nosebleeds and recipients of nosebleeds. Which side are you on?

A Formidable Opponent

It's dangerous to play truth or dare with a hobo because there's always that chance that he'll "dare" you to go buy him a bunch of food, and then you'll have to do it because you don't want to look like a sissy.

Mmm...that's fresh

I think there should be a car air freshener engineered exclusively for wealthy people. The fragrance would be called "The Good Life," and it would smell like success.

Downside

Somehow I get the feeling that there's a downside to being a rodeo clown that I'm just not seeing.

I Ain't Got Time for That

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to travel back in time and make some small change that would completely alter the future? I haven't. I'm a busy man.

Dream Big

All the other children used to make fun of Darryl for believing that he would someday become the first female president of the United States, but he didn't let it bother him. Darryl knew what he wanted, and nothing in the world was going to stop him from getting it.

I ran into Darryl the other day. He's still working in the men's wear department at Sears. In the end, I think we were right to make fun of him.

Chinese Proverb

There should be an old Chinese proverb that goes "Chickens a hatchin', shoot for the moon." It would be good for inspirational posters and greeting cards.

A Helpful Tip

An important thing to check-out when buying a car is whether it goes off jumps well. That is, of course, assuming you like going off jumps.

Can't Wait to Get Those Hanes On Me

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at that monumental Hanes marketing meeting when some advertising genius said, "Hey, how 'bout we team up Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan?" The combination was so natural that I assume all present hit themselves on the forehead and said "Why didn't we think of that before?"